JAJAJAJAJA!!
Monday, May 5, 2008
7 ways to catch a lion.
1. Newton's Method: Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.
2. Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
3. Schrodinger Method: At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait!
4. Inverse Transformation Method We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it. Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.
5. Thermodynamic Procedure: We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows every thing to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with it.
6. Integration Differention Method: Integrate the forest over the entire area. The lion is some where in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.
7. The Banta's Method: DON'T EVEN TRY. YOU'LL GET CAUGHT BY THE LION.
Also visit: A Contribution to the Mathematical and Physical Theory of Big Game Hunting
By Richard Curtis.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Giraffes - Humor by Richard Curtis
April in the Pyrenees and Lion’s are nowhere to be seen! 
In May that will change!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Thinking of nature…
Some time ago I was approached in the street by a rather-unkempt and shifty-looking fellow. Being in a bit of a hurry at the time, my heart sank, and my mind started imagining what sort of greeting awaited me. Perhaps the familiar one: “Have you got a moment, Father?... I've got to get the train home to Newcastle and I've just lost my wallet. Can you help me out…”. Or: “My wife's just thrown me out, and I've nowhere to live tonight…”
Oh, what rash judgement! I had guessed his opening words correctly. But this fellow's request for “a moment” was not followed by an explanation as to why he thought our respective pecuniary positions called for a net transfer of assets in his direction. His was something much more serious. His question was simply: “What do you think of Richard Dawkins?”
What did I think? In truth, not a lot. I've not read any of Dawkins' works. Given my rate of reading I have worked out the maximum number of books I'll be able to read in this life, and all his books fall outside that number! I have had a glance at his website, though, and seen a few reviews others have made of his products. And none of this has served his cause. But Dawkins is popular. And there are many people in this part of the world who share his view that God is superfluous. The media constantly assume the agenda of secular atheists: religion is an out-moded human invention, merely causing repression and war. Life can be run much better without God, thank-you very much. “We don't do God” was the famous reply along this line from the PM's office some years ago.
Something strange is happening here. In all the history of mankind, atheism has only ever had any sort of popular following in the last couple of centuries. And even then, this outlook has been limited to a very restricted geographical part of the world.
These are the facts. But what about the causes? Is it affluence and comfort that make people feel secure whilst forgetting their Maker? Perhaps. But maybe more significant is the habit of reducing “truth” to that which can be verified with the senses of sight, touch, etc. This is a very partial view of truth: the truth of physics or chemistry. Surely reality is more than this? Where is love in this worldview? And beauty, or goodness?
In Britain, religion has long be thought of as a private matter: fine, as long as you keep it to yourself and don't make it too public. With this attitude the ground for the rise of secular atheism has been prepared. And it easily gives rise too to the idea that religion is a bit irrational, a simple question of tastes and feelings. “I like the opera; you feel good going to church.” Thus the “Rationalist Society” rejects Christianity.
Christianity, however, claims to be eminently reasonable. Open to the full truth, to reality as it really is! Not living in the blinkered half-vision afforded by the “scientific” world of Dawkins and Co.. Christian faith asks us to open our eyes - and our whole selves - to the wonder of creation around us. Drink in the truth of this universe created by a God who loves us madly. Experience his love and share in the joy of responding to it.
Prof. Peter Singer, the utilitarian philosopher and champion of “animal rights” insists on valuing beings in such a way that the life of a healthy dog should be preferred over that of a sickly child. He is normally completely coherent and logical in applying his principles. When his mother became aged and infirm, his theories told him to finish her off. Fortunately he listened to his heart, though, and saw that she was well-cared for. Inconsistent? Yes. But this is truth prevailing over a more limited view!
Conclusion? Get real! Spend a few days away from the “limited view” of the office. Experience the truth of creation in the Pyrenees. Be reminded of your own limitations (in sports, at least!). Share the joys of life with others, seeking to serve them rather than use them. Join the LIONS 2008!
Or, if you really can't make it this year, then spend a great weekend with the family, trying with all your strength to make it the best weekend of the year for them - as it could be for us.
Fr BernardWednesday, April 23, 2008
MEMORIES OF THE FIRST LIONS TRIP (OR “DO WE KNOW WHAT WE HAVE STARTED!”)
Seven years ago Antonio, myself, and Carlos Colon, a Brazilian banker, met at Gatwick Airport with a few to spending a few days at El Grado. It was an area of the Pyrenees that I did not know, a place I had never heard of but a great opportunity to catch up with Antonio. After a short flight we arrived at the Airport in Bilbao, a city well known to Antonio, whose parents live there as well as his sister. If we survived the weekend then we were due to meet them all on the Sunday!
The first decision we had to make was over car hire and whilst Antonio and I debated the merits of a 1400 Golf or Seat, Carlos promptly stepped in to tell us both not to “over-think the matter” (a phrase that has stuck in my mind ever since!). Needless to say, the decision was made and we were then travelling south at great speed towards our destination. It is perfectly apparent to all you geographers that both Barcelona and Zaragoza are considerably nearer to El Grado than Bilbao, something which registered fairly quickly after we had been in the car for nearly five hours. I also remember when Carlos was behind the wheel his driving was based on that other well known Brazilian, Ayrton Senna, fortunately we did not meet the same fate! There was, however, torrential rain on route making for an interesting drive.
We were not staying at El Poblado but in one of the houses of El Tozal, which had been loaned to us by a friend. Our first visit was to Las Acacias (now an obligatory venue), a good meal with a first sampling of Somontano wine, lifted our spirits considerably. I also seem to recall an incident with a wild boar on the road just outside El Grado, which led to the restaurant emptying instantly as people went in search of the wounded animal. Antonio conveniently forgets to tell everyone that the stretch of road between El Grado and Barbastro is not dangerous because of other drivers, but because the wild boar have a habit of running down from the hills across the road to the river. If your car is hit by a boar I imagine it will be similar to being taken out by a Chieftan Tank!
The following day, after a visit to the impressive Shrine at Torreciudad, we were up walking in Ordesa with one of the priests for a guide. I do remember being totally ill equipped and that the cotton shirt I was wearing soon got soaked with sweat (these were the days before technical materials) and, consequently, from lunchtime onwards, on what was a fairly cold day, one of our intrepid group felt somewhat uncomfortable! Still, there were wonderful views and a yearning to go further and higher!
Saturday was our introduction to canyoning. We went up to the small and wonderfully picturesque village of Alquezar to meet Alfredo, who worked for Milorcha. The three of us had no real idea as to what we were going to be doing, but it seemed that “fun” would be high on the agenda! Having walked for 45 minutes, we then comically climbed into our wet suits and started walking along what was little more than a stream. Within a few minutes, we suddenly heard the roar of a waterfall and knew things were about to change!
In the excitement, I may have forgotten to tell Antonio that I did not have a particularly good head for heights, suffered from claustrophobia and really did want to live a few more years! Enough of those minor concerns, as I was suddenly abseiling forty feet down a waterfall. (A tip from the writer: make sure the rope looks about the right length.) It was an absolutely thrilling experience as we made our way down the deserted gorge. The weather was glorious and for considerable stretches we could simply float along without a care in the world, or at least without a care until you got to the next waterfall, jump or submerged tunnel!
Back to Alquezar for the replenishing of the lost fluid. It ought to be conditional in the small bars there that you don’t get a beer unless you have done at least five hours canyoning!
After a quick change in El Grado we met Antonio’s friend, Manolo, who then took us to what proved to be the first survivors’ dinner at the gorgeous restaurant in Barbastro, now one of the highlights of the Lions Trip. It was a great conclusion to a fantastic weekend. The following day Carlos and Antonio wanted to take Mass at the Basilica in Zaragoza at 9.00 am. No real problem – apart from the fact we had only got to bed at 2.00 am. We needed to get up, pack and make a two-hour drive. We made it at the expense of Antonio’s “quick breakfast”!
Then on to Bilbao to meet Antonio’s parents, his sister and their family for lunch. I remember Antonio’s Dad giving Antonio a traditional Basque greeting of affection: namely a quick clip round the ear! Having had this demonstrated to me, when the next opportunity arose, I took a full swing at Antonio, but fortunately missed. He still assures me that this is a recognised form of greeting! Please feel free to use the gesture when next meeting Antonio.
Little did any of us realise that the weekend laid the ground for what has become one of the highlights of the year with the annual Lions Trip (the other highlight is the Lions Dinner!). It has been a marvellous opportunity to establish friendships at a much deeper level than you would normally expect. This is partly because of the energetic activities, but also the underlying Christian ethos, and the opportunity to step out of a life, which is generally running at 100 mph!
I look forward to seeing old friends ( none older than Fergus!) and making new ones in a few weeks time.
By Alastair Casley
The first decision we had to make was over car hire and whilst Antonio and I debated the merits of a 1400 Golf or Seat, Carlos promptly stepped in to tell us both not to “over-think the matter” (a phrase that has stuck in my mind ever since!). Needless to say, the decision was made and we were then travelling south at great speed towards our destination. It is perfectly apparent to all you geographers that both Barcelona and Zaragoza are considerably nearer to El Grado than Bilbao, something which registered fairly quickly after we had been in the car for nearly five hours. I also remember when Carlos was behind the wheel his driving was based on that other well known Brazilian, Ayrton Senna, fortunately we did not meet the same fate! There was, however, torrential rain on route making for an interesting drive.
We were not staying at El Poblado but in one of the houses of El Tozal, which had been loaned to us by a friend. Our first visit was to Las Acacias (now an obligatory venue), a good meal with a first sampling of Somontano wine, lifted our spirits considerably. I also seem to recall an incident with a wild boar on the road just outside El Grado, which led to the restaurant emptying instantly as people went in search of the wounded animal. Antonio conveniently forgets to tell everyone that the stretch of road between El Grado and Barbastro is not dangerous because of other drivers, but because the wild boar have a habit of running down from the hills across the road to the river. If your car is hit by a boar I imagine it will be similar to being taken out by a Chieftan Tank!
The following day, after a visit to the impressive Shrine at Torreciudad, we were up walking in Ordesa with one of the priests for a guide. I do remember being totally ill equipped and that the cotton shirt I was wearing soon got soaked with sweat (these were the days before technical materials) and, consequently, from lunchtime onwards, on what was a fairly cold day, one of our intrepid group felt somewhat uncomfortable! Still, there were wonderful views and a yearning to go further and higher!
Saturday was our introduction to canyoning. We went up to the small and wonderfully picturesque village of Alquezar to meet Alfredo, who worked for Milorcha. The three of us had no real idea as to what we were going to be doing, but it seemed that “fun” would be high on the agenda! Having walked for 45 minutes, we then comically climbed into our wet suits and started walking along what was little more than a stream. Within a few minutes, we suddenly heard the roar of a waterfall and knew things were about to change!
In the excitement, I may have forgotten to tell Antonio that I did not have a particularly good head for heights, suffered from claustrophobia and really did want to live a few more years! Enough of those minor concerns, as I was suddenly abseiling forty feet down a waterfall. (A tip from the writer: make sure the rope looks about the right length.) It was an absolutely thrilling experience as we made our way down the deserted gorge. The weather was glorious and for considerable stretches we could simply float along without a care in the world, or at least without a care until you got to the next waterfall, jump or submerged tunnel!
Back to Alquezar for the replenishing of the lost fluid. It ought to be conditional in the small bars there that you don’t get a beer unless you have done at least five hours canyoning!
After a quick change in El Grado we met Antonio’s friend, Manolo, who then took us to what proved to be the first survivors’ dinner at the gorgeous restaurant in Barbastro, now one of the highlights of the Lions Trip. It was a great conclusion to a fantastic weekend. The following day Carlos and Antonio wanted to take Mass at the Basilica in Zaragoza at 9.00 am. No real problem – apart from the fact we had only got to bed at 2.00 am. We needed to get up, pack and make a two-hour drive. We made it at the expense of Antonio’s “quick breakfast”!
Then on to Bilbao to meet Antonio’s parents, his sister and their family for lunch. I remember Antonio’s Dad giving Antonio a traditional Basque greeting of affection: namely a quick clip round the ear! Having had this demonstrated to me, when the next opportunity arose, I took a full swing at Antonio, but fortunately missed. He still assures me that this is a recognised form of greeting! Please feel free to use the gesture when next meeting Antonio.
Little did any of us realise that the weekend laid the ground for what has become one of the highlights of the year with the annual Lions Trip (the other highlight is the Lions Dinner!). It has been a marvellous opportunity to establish friendships at a much deeper level than you would normally expect. This is partly because of the energetic activities, but also the underlying Christian ethos, and the opportunity to step out of a life, which is generally running at 100 mph!
I look forward to seeing old friends ( none older than Fergus!) and making new ones in a few weeks time.
By Alastair Casley
SPAIN THROUGH A RALLY-CAR WINDOW
Diego has demanded some lines for the Lions Times so here goes – irrelevant as the subject may be. In 2001 a Kiwi friend proposed that he and I enter the World Cup Rally – an event reviving the original that was staged in 1970 and then timed to arrive in Mexico City while the Football World Cup was taking place there. This time, however, there was no football link and it was to be for modern small family hatchbacks and classic sports cars – to see how both would manage in tough conditions.
The route was from London to the Sahara and back again via France – Spain – round Morocco – Spain – Portugal – back into Spain – ferry to the UK and returning to the starting point, with about 4 weeks allocated. There were to be close restrictions on permitted modifications to the cars. Two Land Rovers with experienced rally mechanics and tools etc would accompany us.
Normal rally rules applied: detailed "tulip" route books, with accurate directions and mileages provided (and penalties for inexact compliance); departure and arrival times strictly specified for the open road sections; and occasional closed-road competitive sections where the objective was to complete in the fastest time.
After taking the advice of real rally drivers we settled on a red Nissan Micra - which until then had done nothing more demanding than transporting a vicar around his parish. We were assured, however, that although it might be the pensioners' shopping trolley of choice, the Micra was a very robust, reliable and well-handling little car and there had in fact been a rally series exclusively devoted to it. Thus fortified, we delivered it to a proper preparer of rally cars to have all unnecessary internals removed, Recaro racing seats and 4-point seatbelts installed, sump-guard, other underneath protection, 6-ply high profile tyres, and accurate timing equipment fitted, improved air filter, fire protection, chassis-stiffening, freer-flowing exhaust and so forth, and finally fancy decals. We decided to share the driving and navigational duties by doing alternate days.
We assembled at Brooklands as a mixed bunch of contestants – some professional rally drivers in works cars with something to prove, some seasoned club competitors and others complete novices like ourselves. Sir Stirling Moss flagged us away with words of encouragement and the big adventure was on. Having negotiated France with mixed success there was a very long drive through Spain to Malaga. The only memorable aspect of this part of the journey was a terrifying encounter with a group of young Spaniards in hotted-up cars on unofficial hill-climb practice on our route. Several slalomed past us on the way down in exactly the manner I believe Diego is accustomed to getting from A to B.
Once in Malaga we had a couple of days doing special speed sections in the hinterland on what appeared to be goat tracks and wash-outs. We took it relatively easy and got to know the car, not wishing to break it at this relatively early stage and stayed middle-of-the-field. On to Morocco and its impressive French-built roads, over the precipitous passes of the high Atlas Mountains, into the Sahara desert briefly, out to the Atlantic coast, through an intense cloudburst and flood (which represented the first rain in that particular region for 20 years), and back to the ferry for Spain. In Morocco we quickly became uncomfortable with the notion of using the humble environment of very poor people as our playground and tried to treat them with respect. Nevertheless, there was some understandable hostility at times - the sole damage we incurred resulted from running over a barricade of large boulders which local children had placed across the road. Others, however, who travelled too fast through villages, suffered extensive damage from stone-throwing. I must say our sympathies were with the inhabitants. Distributing cheap ballpoint pens did not seem sufficient compensation for the intrusion into their harsh lives.
So it went on until, by the time we reached the beautiful region of Picos de Europa, we had gained a lot of confidence in the Micra's abilities and had worked out how to drive it fast. Here we had our finest hour. In the final two speed sections on long hill climbs on closed sealed roads we achieved the fastest time of all cars on one section and the second-fastest by only a few seconds on the other. The car performed magnificently and did not miss a beat despite being filled with smoke from the tortured brakes and clutch. We beat some very sophisticated and powerful factory-prepared cars in the hands of experienced rally-drivers – some crews had even jettisoned all their luggage to lighten their cars for this last day of competition. So although we did not finish in the top 20 for the rally overall, having been let down by navigational errors at times, we were pleased with our efforts as mere beginners.
The return to the UK by sea gave us time to reflect. It was fun but would we do it again? Probably not. It was a long and tiring time on the road and too long to be away from families and friends. Although we covered a lot of ground, in truth there was no time for sightseeing, let alone enjoying the fascinating countryside we passed through. And in retrospect it was wrong to route the rally through Morocco.
The Lions Expedition is an altogether nobler and more satisfying undertaking!
By Neil Bogle
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